turn to face the broken

if you expect these words to be positive
look away
i am not concerned with being positive
i am for what is real
and that means sometimes
turning to face the broken
and the messy
it means looking deep into
the heart of the darkness
i would rather face the agony of the truth
than the pretence of the lie
for in turning around
to meet sorrow and suffering
our steely hearts may break
and from that broken place
may pour the milk of human kindness
and without kindness
there is nothing but
an empty existence.


sweet divine emptiness

i searched for myself
for the one who worries and frets
for the one who measures and judges
for the one who makes all the decisions
i searched and searched
but found no one
nothing but empty space
filled with some divine essence
i could not name
yet still, even in the face of this exquisite emptiness,
i struggled to let go
what madness is that?

falling with hands open

yesterday it all seemed so clear and bright
today the dark clouds have returned
and the sky hangs heavy
with foreboding

yesterday i was the bird untethered and free
today i am an innocent man
tied to the mast of his own vessel
as the boat skews this way and that
in the raging storm

yesterday there was love in my heart
today there is a fear in my veins
like a poison

the only antidote to all this
is abiding acceptance
like a forever falling
into an eternal well

most of us are struggling
to hold on to something
but when everything turns to dust
the wise learn
to fall with their hands open.

An Exquisite Silent Majesty

In moments of the deepest contemplation
Of unfixed awareness
When the gaze is turned inwards
But not on any object
It is as though
I have entered a Cathedral
Of the greatest majesty
An exquisite silence pervades all things
And the very air pulses with presence
It is as though there were something vibrantly alive
In everything
And the quieter I become
The more alive it is

And I realize it is always here
And it is me who comes and goes

My true devotion is to that
Exquisite silence.

throw away the coat of falseness

there is something that animates us
some mysterious force
that drives us all
yet we pay it scant regard
as we rush here and there
in our importance
we are like skaters on ice
oblivious to the darkness
that lies below our feet

but without touching your essence
without knowing, and i mean directly through experience,
what lies deeper down
there can be no true wisdom
wisdom is depth articulated
and depth is where essence is touched

i played the game of the superficial ones
for a time
but i failed
i nearly suffocated
and died of tedium
for time wasted
on triviality

instead i walked into the air
stepped into the fire
tore myself to pieces
drowned in the ocean
left everything behind
wept, screamed, danced wildly
kept silent for days
and threw away the coat of falseness

and arrived at essence
now there is only this walking essence-ness

friend, you are here such a short time
never here again in this body, with this mind
don’t waste it on things that don’t serve your
beautiful radiance

turn towards the sun
and surrender to the force..

Your True Power

If you can see through your own projection
And righteous judgement
And instead
See from an open heart
And an innocent mind
You will be doing yourself
And the world
A great service
The world doesn’t need your opinion
It needs your love
Your innocence
And your beauty
Because therein
Lies your true power.

The Heart of Darkness

Each of us goes to dark places
It is part of the human experience
What matters is how the darkness is met
Either it drags us deeper into our stories
Or it forces the story and story teller
To let go and fall into the unknown
Surrendering the whole story of self
To the mystery
Only one of these leads to freedom.

the deepest acceptance

when i realized
how much of myself
i had given away
all my life
i sat in the emptiness of the devastation
without moving
and allowed everything in
all the pain and dashed hopes
dreams broken and love lost
i didn’t turn away
or move towards it,
instead there was
no reaction, no aversion at all
and in that openness
that resolute acceptance
of the truth
of my brokenness 
came freedom
the freedom of no longer 
moving towards or away
from anything
this neutrality is not dead
but vibrantly alive
like the sky
or the universe itself
and whilst there may be chaos
or storms, black holes
or colliding stars
yet still there is
the neutrality of the deepest acceptance

in that peace i understood
there was never anything to give away.

everything is borrowed

there are two qualities to being human
one is temporary and fleeting, the world of form
the other is formless and without limit
we arrive, as if unbidden, from this formlessness
and we dwell here for a while
with borrowed body,
thought and life
and at some point
written by some divine intelligence
we must give everything back
and return to the formless realm
merged with everything and nothing

you don’t own anything
it’s all borrowed
and temporary

and none of our grasping or clutching
praying or pleading
demanding or pretending
changes the raw truth

better to live
in unguarded awareness
and undivided acceptance
of the way of things
than behind a veil of falsehood.

the greatest equality of all

i am a weary traveller
broken by the waves’
relentless pounding
the tumult of the ocean
that threatens to engulf

i stand on deck
alone in existence
hands on the wheel
desperate for control
but looking out
through fearful eyes
at the storm that rages

i am broken
yet still i stand
clutching the wheel
not yet ready
to be swallowed up
and taken by the inevitable

lashed again and again
no land in sight
no sign of calm
just this eternal writhing
of the sea monster
with wild head and eyes
terrifying and inviting

i awaken, cold and hot
chilled to the bone
by life’s horror and beauty

we live in paradox
knowing our fate
and our predicament
yet living as though
that fate belonged to someone else
and we have been spared

oh! grand delusion
no-one is spared
this is the greatest equality of all.