this exquisite discomfort

why can’t you show me your brokenness?
don’t you know that your vulnerability
and your wounds, embraced,
are what makes you beautiful

just stay there, for a moment,
don’t move away from this
exquisite discomfort
and let it shine
like a diamond
with all its edges and errors
beautifully imperfect

don’t hide forever

don’t.
hide.
forever.

I’m So Sorry

I wrote a song recently as a result of something I read that broke me open.
It was the tragic real life tale of a man who lost his wife and her unborn baby, their new born baby and their two other young children, in a car accident when a young man carelessly jumped a red light. The tragedy unfolded as each of them died, one after the other.
The man, who wasn’t in the car, was left alone. Everything gone, everyone gone.
That is as much as I read. I didn’t need the details. It wasn’t about the details. I know he got a huge outpouring of love and I pray that he is able to recover in some way and live a life.

But I was utterly shocked by how shocked he must have been. I simply couldn’t imagine how he felt, or the chasm that must have opened up and swallowed him. It broke my heart open for him, and for all who suffer such tragedy. And then I really saw how true loving almost inevitably comes with great pain. When you truly love, at some point comes the letting go, it is inevitable.

But that is no reason not to love. Love, human or divine, is our greatest blessing and the greatest blessing we can offer the world.

So I wrote a song for him. Here are the lyrics. It is called I’m So Sorry.
I haven’t released the song yet, I am still working on it. When I do I may post it here.

I’m living like a river
Swimming like a stone
Trying to make it homeward
But I’m feeling so alone
My heart is like a whirpool
It’s taking everything
I don’t know what Im doing
I don’t think I can swim

I’m so sorry
It has to be this way

I find it hard to breathe here
Sometimes I think I’ll die
So I reach up to the heavens
And pretend that I can fly
But all I get is falling
Like someone clipped my wings
Down here I’m an angel
Down here the siren sings

I’m so sorry
It has to be this way

It feels like you’re inside me
Your living in my skin
And love is like the ocean
When you let it in
You’ve got to let it drown you
And take your breathe away
And when I heard your story
It made me want to pray

Im so sorry
It has to be this way

Dont you worry
No more

the heart hides in secret hope

The heart,
Under great duress and strain,
Grows hard and protected
It’s easy to withdraw
From the world
And build a wall
And try and hide behind it

But secretly and quietly
Every hard heart
And every wounded soul that hides
Yearns for tenderness
And love
Yearns for the innocence
It once knew

Even the hardest
And toughest,
Somewhere, deep inside,
Longs for union with love

Because everything
Is trying to get home,
And there is only one home.

the cost of loving

to love someone fully
means to open to them
so that nothing remains
and in that opening
is the great cost

the cost of loving
is that
when one of you dies
the pain of separation
and loneliness
will be an agony
only matched
by the loss of a child

but the rewards of loving
in such a way
are worth the pain
the intimacy and surrender into love
is an exquisite fire
that burns up all hope
of salvation

therein lies its great paradox

Real Love Is An Invincible Field Of Consciousness

Real love is a field of consciousness
With no gate, no fence
And no boundary

Yet most are deceived
And only love in a prison
Of limitation
You cannot find the truth of love’s magnificence
When there is a gate
Or a fence
That doesn’t not mean
You become a mess of no boundaries
It means you are no longer threatened
By anything the world says or does
Because you have understood

That there is no world
Only a field of consciousness
Called love

Embrace Sadness

Don’t sit so far away

From the fire

Hidden in the shadows

Like a ghost

Come and take your place

Here, in the light

Warm your cold bones

And let the fire’s love

Turn your loneliness

To beauty

No-one here is different from you

Each carries their loneliness

In some special way

Embrace whatever ails you

And even though

Sadness hurts

Don’t move away from it

But let it be what it is

And in it’s own sweet time

It will move on.

when love meets itself

when the silence in you
meets the silence in another
there is only peace
it appears there are two people relating
yet in truth
there is only one

when love meets itself
everything that is not love
collapses

but let us be clear
when i talk of love
i do not talk of the
grabbing, needy kind – no
i am talking of the
love that needs nothing
for it is complete unto itself
it is the ground of being
and the fragrance of the garden

your true nature is the silence behind everything
which is love
and when you surrender yourself completely
you may fall back
through eternity, beyond time and space,
and discover the most wondrous reverie

and if you are blessed to meet
another being
who has also fallen
into that divine reverie

then you will know peace
and you will have no need to relate
for there will be only one thing
and everything will be it.

all relationships are intimate

it’s not just your lover
or that special one,
the one you trust and share your innermost with.

without even realizing it
you are being intimate with everyone

just below the surface of our perceived reality
we are sharing secrets and messages with each other
through gestures, words, expressions, body language and electric signals
we tell each other who we are and what we are about
we can’t help it, it’s our design
and everyone is doing it

we imagine all our relating happens on the surface
but oh! how innocent that thought is, and how wrong

the ocean doesn’t relate on the surface alone
imagine if the ocean were just the waves !
its impossible
you can’t imagine the wave without the ocean

and so it is, everything we do is intimate
all relationships are intimate
and its ok

the future is all about knowing this
because relationships are the key to evolution.

LOVE – everything else is a distraction

when it comes
when your time comes
to leave this place
all you will remember is love

not how much love you got
or even the love of someone
but the love deep in your soul and your heart

you may remember
the times you turned away from love
or built a home in fear

and all this may happen
in one moment
as your life flashes
in front of you

it wont matter about your riches or your poverty
your success or failure
your fame or your anonymity
all of this will be rendered as dust

but love will endure because it is everything
which is why it is the hardest truth to fully live

LOVE – everything else is a distraction

let your heart break open

tear down the walls
of your heart
and be done with all this
defending and attacking
this protection
has done nothing
but keep you hidden from life
it was a trick you learned
but it didn’t work

you thought you could
protect yourself from pain
but it just killed you
and numbed you
and now you are here
terrified of your own shadow.

tear down the walls of your heart
and let the world in
let it flood the dry barren land
if it kills you
so what!
better to die of the truth
than live in the lie

but it won’t kill you
it will resurrect you
and bring you back
and give you wings
so you can fly.