the secret chamber

i searched and found nothing
i stopped and found everything

though the searching and the stopping
were linked like night and day

and you have to become sick of searching
before you can stop

it is in the complete cessation
of all searching
that the door opens
and majesty is revealed
when wanting, needing
desire and longing
perish into the
deepest acceptance

grace happens

the secret chamber
of god’s heart
can only be entered
when there is no
movement
forward or backwards

this is presence and openness.

 

 

this exquisite discomfort

why can’t you show me your brokenness?
don’t you know that your vulnerability
and your wounds, embraced,
are what makes you beautiful

just stay there, for a moment,
don’t move away from this
exquisite discomfort
and let it shine
like a diamond
with all its edges and errors
beautifully imperfect

don’t hide forever

don’t.
hide.
forever.

the pull to grace

we are born to innocence
and we fall from that grace
we become someone
with a name and a story
and we carry the wounds
and the pain
of our fall

and for many
that is it
for life
just the story
of the fall from grace

but for some
there is a pull
to find that grace again

what beauty that is!
in this gross world
to remember, even as a
delicate fragrance on the wind,
the grace of innocence,
and to begin a search for it.

that search IS the grace
that search IS the innocence
searching for itself

for it was never really lost
only hiding
until it can return to the light

i hope you understand

cherish everything

to live fully
and peacefully
wisely and lovingly
to be here, now
in this moment
to end the tyranny
of the loop of stories
that run endlessly
in your head
dragging you backwards
to what no longer exists
to let the dangling carrot
of some mythical future
fall helplessly to the ground
there is but one key
that unlocks the door
it was the wise
krishnamurti who said
i don’t mind what happens.’
it was my wife who said
cherish everything.’

i took both of them seriously
and even though
these phrases hurt like hell
when i applied them
and my mind screamed ‘NO!’
i did it over and over
and eventually
even my tyrannous mind
went quiet
and i began to cherish everything
and even the horror of it all
became included.

so now i have a mantra,
a simple phrase i use
when the monkey
on my back starts whispering
‘this shouldn’t be happening.’

‘cherish everything,’ i say
and he shuts up.

i cried back to life

when i realized
how i kept love at bay
and shut its grace
out of my life
and how i defended
the walls of my heart
as closely as possible
i cried
and those tears
that flowed for many a day
brought great nourishment
back to a dry and barren desert

since then new life has grown
in a rich and fertile land
such great abundance and joy aplenty
and enough to share with
anyone who passes by.

love and air

i cannot tell the difference
between love and air
i need both
to survive
both are equally neglected
and taken for granted
but i imagine
if we removed love
it would have the same effect
as removing the air
we would suffocate

you don’t really notice something
until its gone

but love and air
the invisible forces
are what holds it all together

we woud do well
to remember this
in these hateful days

coyote wisdom of the trickster

Coyote on the Trail Today

the poetry of the divine fool
his teaching says
‘do not get carried away
with yourself,
the truth is
you know nothing,
don’t get carried away
pretending you have
the keys to the palace of wisdom,
the greatest wisdom
is in knowing
that you know nothing

dance in the irony,
in the mystery,
dance in the madness
but remember
you are a fool
a clown
and a joker

and therein
lies your freedom.

Coyote on the Trail

I May Die Laughing and Crying

All we really know is
This one moment in eternity
This raw uncensored experience
That lasts for a breath in
And a breath out
And then
We disappear back
Into emptiness

All we know is
One moment in eternity

Yet we cannot see this preciousness
And we struggle and fight
And sink into our stories

There is no way
I can wrap up the whole of life
Or even try and understand it

Sometimes I just stand in awe
At the whole thing
And at other times
I am filled with an existential misery

The truth is I swing between these poles
Like a crazy trapeze artist.

I may die laughing and crying.

Leave the Prison

First you must become dis-illusioned
Only then can the illusion begin to dissolve
Becoming dis-illusioned is, it seems,
Both a blessing and a curse
A blessing if it brings the momentum
To go all the way HOME to a true state of being
But a curse if it leaves you in the limbo
Of between the worlds, neither
In one world nor another.
Don’t get stuck between the worlds
Friend
Press on
It is not enough to be dis-illusioned
You have to climb out of the world completely
You have to leave the prison
Not just realize you are in it.
There is a big difference.