when grace arrived

grace, as my wife once said,
is the absence of resistance
i loved that description so much
and became devoted to the task
of finding that grace
to the point where i stopped
fighting and arguing with life
i put down my arms
and ended the war

and what happened was astonishing
i lost nothing, i didn’t fall apart
or become less of a human being
in fact the opposite
i gained everything
i gained the world
i became whole
and a full human being
all the world became my lover
and a great intimacy arose in me
this intimacy you feel as you read these words
this honest openness came
when i put down my weapons
of mass destruction

and grace arrived

this world is unfathomable
and, if you can just stop struggling
and fighting with it,
will show you its beauty
even in the smallest of things.

 

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beauty in broken things

we cover our cracks
with feeble cement
and put on a face
we imagine will work
and everyone plays the same game
ashamed of being broken

will no one show me their true face?

the japanese have an art
that repairs their cracked bowls with gold
seeing beauty in broken things

why hide what gives us our uniqueness?
the tree grows majestically
and you cannot tell what is wound
and what is beauty
it doesn’t hang its branches in shame

no

only us, we who are blighted by shame and guilt
who, despite centuries of learning,
still turn away from our pain and suffering
in the vain hope it will disappear
sadly that turning away itself
gives it a dark power
that manifests in the world
in the ways we all see…

i am not the harbinger of doom my friend
but i did not come here to play around
our ways are foolish
and we have learned little from
the wisdom that has preceded us
and still we scrabble around in the dark
ruled over by petty despots
and ego fueled narcissists
who are the manifestation
of our collective shadow

only a great evolution of the soul
will change this world
and i am for that

i am unafraid of my cracks and wounds
i healed them with the gold
that gave them life
and they became a part of me
that i wear with dignity and humble pride
of a life felt fully

nothing is ever really broken
just denied and turned away from.

https://mymodernmet.com/kintsugi-kintsukuroi/

 

the greatest equality of all

i am a weary traveller
broken by the waves’
relentless pounding
the tumult of the ocean
that threatens to engulf
everything

i stand on deck
alone in existence
hands on the wheel
desperate for control
but looking out
through fearful eyes
at the storm that rages

i am broken
yet still i stand
clutching the wheel
not yet ready
to be swallowed up
and taken by the inevitable

lashed again and again
no land in sight
no sign of calm
just this eternal writhing
of the sea monster
with wild head and eyes
terrifying and inviting

i awaken, cold and hot
chilled to the bone
by life’s horror and beauty

we live in paradox
knowing our fate
and our predicament
yet living as though
that fate belonged to someone else
and we have been spared

oh! grand delusion
no-one is spared
this is the greatest equality of all.

The Words Point To The Soul

The words we use
All of them
In poetry, in anger and in love
The letters we write
And the speeches we make
All of them are telling a story
About us
Not just what we believe and think
But who we are deep inside
Words point to the soul
All the time
If you really listen with an open awareness
You will hear this

When people speak to me
I can tell who they are and what they love, fear and desire
After a few short sentences

Many years ago
I was given the name Kavi
At first I rejected it and feared it
But slowly I grew to love it
And then I became it

Kavi is sanskrit for poem or poet

beauty in human form

beauty in human form
has nothing to do with looks or clothes

but has to do with heart and soul

when you meet someone beautiful
they will be full of love
generous of spirit
kind of nature
humble and humorous

this kind of beauty is rare

like a wild flower
growing in a forest

if you stumble upon it
bask in it’s simple beauty

if you are it
radiate your elegant wonder
you are a boon to
all beings

love is like the sun

even when you can’t see it
the sun is there
it is the essence of everything
without it nothing happens
nothing will live

and love, what of love?

love is the same

even when you can’t see it
love is there
it is the essence of everything
without it nothing happens
nothing will live

why do we struggle so much
denying this?
why do we spend our lives
fighting with love?
we would never
try and fight the sun.

love cannot be possessed

love cannot be possessed
but my do we try

like a free bird caught
we cage love
and give it rules
and tidy it up
and make it safe

and kill it

but love cannot be possessed
it is as free as that little bird
or the wind

and if you try and control it
or cage it
something will surely die, slowly
or with great haste

better still to honor and serve love
to be love’s facilitator and conduit
and to allow the ebbing and flowing
of human activity to be as it is

the truth is we cannot possess anything

Transformation of the Grape

It takes time for the wine to mature
It cannot be rushed or forced
There are no shortcuts
You need the right ingredients
And patience
And trust
But with enough time, trust and patience
One day there will be
A beautiful bouquet
And the humble
And seemingly separate grape
Will have merged with the other grapes
And transformed into something
Utterly miraculous.

All transformation is the same
Don’t be in such a hurry.

Consider this metaphor deeply.

Ancient wine cellar

reflections on love’s brilliant sun

Reflections on what happened to me in 2001/2 when love’s brilliant sun burst into my life. It was like being in a Rumi Poem. Exactly like that. And I was both the poet and the subject of the poem. It was an extraordinary time. I have some poetry from that period that I will publish here, but first let me give you an idea of what it was like.

when love really arrived in my life
it didn’t come with conditions
or superficial sweetness
it didn’t come with games
or bargains
it wasn’t love
wrapped up as need.

NO.

the love that arrived
was a FIRE
that incinerated everything
within me, and in my life,
that was false
it uncovered all the cracks
and holes
and shone the brilliant light
of the sun
on them.

it tore at me
it tore at
my 40 years
of building and maintaining
defences
and it threw demolished everything
and threw it on the fire

i lost it all
in that fire
my marriage
my home
my history
my friends
my superficial mask and
my reasonableness

and most of all
i lost my safety

but i gained

my freedom……(part two soon)

 

the secret chamber

i searched and found nothing
i stopped and found everything

though the searching and the stopping
were linked like night and day

and you have to become sick of searching
before you can stop

it is in the complete cessation
of all searching
that the door opens
and majesty is revealed
when wanting, needing
desire and longing
perish into the
deepest acceptance

grace happens

the secret chamber
of god’s heart
can only be entered
when there is no
movement
forward or backwards

this is presence and openness.