The Search for Grace

Only grace can allow us to see beauty
In the midst of horror
Only grace can open our steely hearts
In hell
Only grace can whisper yes
When the whole world screams NO!
Only grace can pour healing water
On the unquenchable fire
Only grace can shine a light
In the great darkness

So what then is this grace
That can offer so many miracles
For without it
Life would be unbearable
Grace makes existence bearable
Yet we do not know
What grace is?
There are no words, no nouns, no descriptions
No one has met grace
Yet here it is
Casting influence over all things
Surely it is this mysterious force
That gives all life it’s meaning

And the search for meaning is
The search for grace
The search for the undiscoverable
Radiance that underpins
All existence.



Born to Do Nothing

Terrified of meaninglessness
We create ourselves
As the pinnacle of life
We built a world
That uses doing
As being
Because we need meaning
But we were born
To do nothing
Just enjoy existence
And take care of our bodies
And our souls
To look after each other
And to bathe in the innocence
Of love’s sweet fragrance
All this that we have created
We have done in our own image
It is a monster
A machine
That eats everything
And everyone
And deludes us all
Into thinking there is meaning in it

I am so sorry to tell you
There isn’t

To rest as a speck in eternity
Surrounded by forever
Infinite distance and time on all sides
To know this, to feel it and to live it
And to maintain some composure
As the waves of awareness
Flood into and through you
To be innocent
And pure of heart
That is the only meaning
I can find.

A Gradual Dawning

Eventually all the games
The twists and turns, the avoidance
And the mental manipulation,
All the feeble and emboldened attempts by the mind
To figure it all out and keep me safe
Came to an end, worn out by over use
And a lack of attention on my part
I just figured, let the tapes run
I’m not going to listen
And they got quieter and quieter
Until one day I noticed silence
And stillness
No more monkey on my back
And no more noise.

Since then there have been no more stories
And no more argument with what is
Just this sweet simplicity
And a voice that speaks
Of love
And little else.

Let Hate Serve Only One Purpose

Today, like so many other days,
I have woken up with love in my heart
And fear in my mind
This deepest longing for love’s healing balm
Yet a nagging anxiety about life itself
Ah! The great human dilemma
Caught in the crossfire
Between love and fear

There we hang, each of us
Swinging between love’s innocence
And fear’s defenses

And most, those who believe
What the world shows them,
Over the years, they lean toward fear
And it crusts them over
Gnarls their fragile bodies
And renders them cynical
They become
Part of the problem.

Not me…
I have heard fear’s voice
And hate’s scream
Both of them desperate for love
And I have chosen love
Over and over
No matter how loud
The noise
Or how great the fear

Let hate serve only one purpose
To make love more resolute.

The Wheel of Innocence

As a child I was innocent
Then came the fall, triggered by trauma
Followed by the wilderness years, lost in the chaos and drama of the world
Next came the doubt and the desperation
And the beginning of the search for home
Then came the challenges and the tests
Finally came the wisdom
The final door led back to innocence.

Falling Into Grace

Each day I choose to open
To the mystery
Of the unknown

I wake up as the unknown
From the dream world
Suddenly I arrive
In a body
From the formless place
Of sleeps vastness

And quickly the known
Floods into my consciousness
Who I am, what I do
And where I am

And with it come all the thoughts
Like the dam has broken
And thought water
Is flooding in
Seeking certainty and safety
And control
‘What about this?’
‘What about that?’
And then fear arises, and anxiety
And doubt
The past and future
Come barreling into the present
Like gatecrashers
At a chilled party

And then I stop
And I ask myself
‘What do I really know
To be true?’
The truth is I know nothing..

I am so sick of the known
Of the endless patterns
Everything is worn out
Except falling endlessly
Into the grace of the unknown
So I’m surrendering all this
To God. Not to some old fashioned God
But to the eternal mysterious intelligence
That carries the whole thing
While we scurry around like
Self important ants.

I’m done with control
I will meet you in the mystery
But leave what you think you know
At the door.

The Walls We Build

Must we close our fragile hearts
To the world
To protect our vulnerable selves
Must we erect our shields
And great walls of defense
And separate ourselves
From everything
That is too much to bear
Must we?
Even though those very hearts
Are the doors
To our humanity

The most beautiful quality of being human
Is found through the door of suffering.


i dont mind what happens

i gave up wanting anything to be any different
than the way it is
and rather than causing me to sink into
powerlessness and depression
it actually liberated me
into great freedom and compassion…

there is one line that,
if you digest it deeply enough,
will liberate you.

krishnamurti said, “i don’t mind what happens.’

when i heard that it blew my mind and changed my life

it still does.

for one moment, just stop

for one brief moment
see if it is possible
to stop, without force,
all concern with your seeking activity
just see if you can
let it all just be there
without touching it
or reacting to it
allow everything
to be just the way it is
without wanting it to be any different

if you can do such a thing
even for the briefest moment
you will have touched silence
your true home
and if you can endeavor to move and act
and live
from this silence
it will change everything
within and without
for the rest of your life.