pulled to surrender

today i will sit quietly

and watch the hummingbirds

buzz busily about

i may do nothing

all day

but sit and wonder

ah! if only this were the truth

instead i am pulled into the world

with its complications and demands

a world that tugs of these emotions

and insecurities

i have never found a better answer

to life’s questions

than surrender.

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the poetry of small things done beautifully

there is a sweetness in simplicity
when you slow down enough
to become present
to each and every action
without distracted mind
without wishing you were some place else
but doing the thing you are doing
fully
i learned this through the great art
of washing up
it brings me such great pleasure
this simple joy
is presence
a communion with life
an undoing doing
i don’t rush
or neglect
neither do i fret
i just pay attention
and allow it to happen
as if by itself
such is
the poetry of small things done beautifully

i pray this secret joy
is not forgotten
in the pursuit
of importance.

Photo by Catt Liu on Unsplash

there is great change coming

it is everywhere
when you have eyes to see
a great change is sweeping though us all
the end of man’s dominion
yes there it is
i have said it
the end of patriarchy
the end of centuries 
of masculine thinking
driving the whole world crazy

man was born to serve the divine
the grail, the feminine
for man must be in service to something 
but he stopped serving that grail
and began serving himself
and his own ego
and sought to control the feminine 
in the same way he must control all things
when he does not know himself

the way of the divine
is not though control
but through care and compassion
and the spirit of connection

man, your time has come
you have tried to control all things natural
but you have to know
you cannot tame
the wild animal
or the free spirit
and eventually you will eat yourself
in your desire for power
that time is almost come

the time of women is at hand
and those men who choose to serve 
this wisdom
will find depth and power
and those that don’t will perish
such is the natural cycle of life

i am in service to that
and to nothing else.

I think that the real woman is a person who protects and saves the world; a woman is a person who knows the secrets of life; a woman is a person through whom the great and powerful energy of love manifests and the love, which creates life. Therefore the salvation of the world will come through the woman, not through the man.

Peter Deunov – http://www.bratstvoto.net/vehadi/menuen/b6/neweve_en.html

Photo by Jasper van der Meij on Unsplash

The Forest of Shadows

I set forth into the forest of shadows
Armed only with courage and willingness
To face whatever approached me
I met ghosts and ghouls
Strange creatures from the past
Such hideous desperation I have never seen
There was a cacophany of terrible noise
And the wind howled through the trees
Determined to scare me back
To the safety I once knew
But there was no going back
And I pressed on
At times I feared for my life
Yet I walked on through the darkness

And then, at some point,
Everything became still
The wind died down
And the noise settled
A freshness arose
And a gentle fragrance filled the air
Dawn slowly opened it’s eyes
And the light filled my heart and mind

It took years
But it seems like minutes
Time is a skater on thin ice
But below the surface
Is the timeless truth

Freedom lies 
In the great forest of shadows.

The Dark Side and Why We Need to Go There

I have often held back from talking about the darker and more difficult areas of life’s rich path, but I’m beginning to see that we need to include the darkness more and more in our relationships with each other and in our conversations. 

It’s not that I’m an unhappy guy. In fact the opposite. I’m pretty easy. I mean, I’m kind of intense but there is no area of life I won’t go to. I include the whole thing. I have had to. I tried to exclude my deepest emotions, my pain and my wounding, traumas carried from formative years, but it didn’t lead to happiness or peace. It just led to misery, addiction and dysfunctional relationships.

So I wised up and, through grace, slowly turned around and faced my demons.

I got sick. I have been real sick in my life with a chronic disease. Housebound for two years with a prognosis from the doctors that I would be on meds for life, probably have to have my colon removed and be sick for ever. None of that happened, and thats partly because I turned around and faced everything that was not whole and healed in my life.

It took me years. I have railed against God, against the world, against my father. I have bawled my eyes out hundreds of times about where it’s all gone wrong, and how life has cheated me. I have hated life itself.

And I have been to the pit of despair.

And all of this has served to cleanse the dust from my eyes, and purify me on the deepest level. It has been a detoxification on the emotional, mental and spiritual levels of my being. It has made me wise and awake.

We ingest and assimilate what we are taught, told and given, when we are young and vulnerable. We have no choice, our very survival depends on those who nurture us. We absorb their values, their beliefs, their opinions, and make them our own. 

But they are not necessarily good for us or right for us. And they are not values, beliefs or opinions independently arrived at. They are handed down through generations unchecked and un-investigated. It is so clear when you see it. Truth, beliefs, values, opinions, when they are not fully known as true through self inquiry and self mastery, are just handed down second hand ideas.

To become rich in heart and mind and spirit, you have to be prepared to become a warrior, one that turns his blade upon himself (or herself). That blade is used to scythe through falseness and cut away what no longer serves love or truth.

And that means being prepared to go to the darkness, for there are the jewels.Being scared of one’s darkness gives one’s darkness more power. It feeds the negativity and perpetuates division and lack.

Is any of this easy?

No. But from what I see, the journey of denial, the journey of trying to keep the mask on is almost agony, and gets harder and harder as we get older. I see it in so many people I meet, trying so hard to pretend that everything is ok when its clearly not. So frightened of falling apart that they are falling apart.

Thus, much as I would like for everything to be sweet and fairytale-like, I’m sorry to say it ain’t like that, and the only real way is be become ‘real’ through diving inside, turning around and beckoning these demons towards you. It’s time, and it’s probably the only thing that will create real and lasting change.

I have said enough. I expected to get up and write a love poem. But it’s 4th July here in USA and apparently it’s Independence Day. And it made me realize just how ridiculously superficial most of life is.

 

we carry the paradox

on one hand it is at it is,
perfect in itself
and as life unfolds
moment by moment
it seems to be moved by it’s own intelligence
it will last long beyond our arrival
or departure

and yet on the other hand
so much is broken
and man’s destructive hand
has swept across the earth
with arrogant intensity
forgetting he is the mere custodian
and not the owner

we who see
must carry the paradox
of the perfection
and the imperfection
with grace
and with great compassion
knowing the futility
of man’s grasping at eternity
his desperate clutching at power
and his utter blindness
to what beauty is already here

all it takes is one step backwards
and a breath
to see the magnificence 
and the perfection
even amidst the horror
and the suffering.

*please note – when i use the term ‘man’ here, although it’s generally used to signify all humanity, i am leaning more and more towards it actually meaning MAN. The history of humanity has, in the last few thousands of years, as far as i can see, been the history of the masculine paradigm. suppression of the feminine, both inside each individual, and outwardly in the relentless and ruthless domination of women, has brought us to where we are. that is not ‘all humanity,’ that is mankind, the masculine with all its demented narcissism. i see a world that is changing, because it will have to. and that means the end of masculine, patriarchal domination and the rise of the new feminine. what that looks like and how it changes things i do not know. but it’s in the air and it is coming. so yes i very much mean ‘men’ when i say men.

man’s greatest enemy

what is this terrible affliction of man..
he is the most discontent of creatures
yet he is gifted with the most extraordinary of powers
he has the mind of god
yet he cannot find peace
he spends his days in judgement of others
or himself
he tears the very fabric of his world to pieces
to feather his own nest
while all around him suffer
he does not know himself
yet he presumes to know others
he claimed the throne
yet he cannot even rule himself

i am at a loss
and i am done with some false hope
that man can save himself
from his greatest enemy.
himself.

The Search for Grace

Only grace can allow us to see beauty
In the midst of horror
Only grace can open our steely hearts
In hell
Only grace can whisper yes
When the whole world screams NO!
Only grace can pour healing water
On the unquenchable fire
Only grace can shine a light
In the great darkness

So what then is this grace
That can offer so many miracles
For without it
Life would be unbearable
Grace makes existence bearable
Yet we do not know
What grace is?
There are no words, no nouns, no descriptions
No one has met grace
Yet here it is
Casting influence over all things
Surely it is this mysterious force
That gives all life it’s meaning

And the search for meaning is
The search for grace
The search for the undiscoverable
Radiance that underpins
All existence.

 

born to love

my love
while we still have this precious time together
before eternity tears us asunder
let us sit together here
under the night sky
as it pours down it’s magnificence
on our innocent heads
there will be a moment
as yet unknown
when we will part
and one of us will leave this realm
bound for distant shore
oh! the pain of that moment
when we say goodbye

to have loved in this way
to have found each other after so long
and fallen so far in
we disappeared
given up all notion of self
and yet to have found ourselves completely
there has never been a love like this
let our ecstatic embrace send ripples into the world
and ring throughout forever
let it be said
‘they loved completely without fear of death.’

India, approx 2004